Do you ever feel like you have so many things going on in your life at once, that you feel like you could go absolutely insane in a matter of moments? I feel like a cat; literally...I have 9 lives...er maybe more. I have my school, my job, my yoga, my meditation, my blogging, my zeal business, my journal writing, my pet/house/child sitting services, my clean for trade at the studio, keeping up my living (and car) space (it's really hard to keep this place in order...always fighting entropy!) (hey that's ten! I bet there are more things...but I'll stop there). . . . .
Life. gets. crazy. There's no stopping this madness. Whenever things get chaotic, it seems to be more and more difficult to pull inward and stay centered, focused, motivated...and easier to become discouraged, tired, lost...but lucky for me, a few of the "lives" I mentioned above are things that bring the balance back into my life...because like the cat with nine lives, I choose to land on all fours in as lightly of a manner as possible. I may feel like I am walking a very thin and wobbly rope at times, but I know that if I pull in, yeah, even if it means losing a few hours of study time and such, then I'll be healthier and in a much better state of mind that I would be if I didn't have such activities. I also enjoy commuting the town on my beloved bike (MoonLight - the Scorpion Queen). She saves me a lot of time and gas $$ (because we all know about the gas price hike. I don't want any of that). Biking also contributes to a steady flow in my life. Biking, yoga, journaling, blogging, etc...they all get me into this zone that takes me away from my anxieties and settles me back into myself...calms me down and gives me some peace. I find myself retreating to these "mini vacations" time and time again. Instead of becoming addicted to drugs, alcohol, food, people, etc...I choose to devote myself to healthy flow. It doesn't mean that every now and then I fail and come up short. I acknowledge my humanness. We all mess things up sometimes, but the key is to be resilient and forgiving of ourselves. The pain of messing up comes from the inability to move on, to be in the present moment. This moment has nothing to do with last moment or the moment ahead. This moment now, we can choose to be happy...even if only for a moment; no matter what's going on in our outer world...we can still have peace and calm inside.
I am blessed to be a part of a community that helps me grow into myself and blossom into the flower that I am. I enjoy our small chit-chats in the most uncomfortable postures, and yet I also enjoy our mutual silence. I enjoy our laugh attacks in 3,5,7,10 minute timings of Sirsasana (headstand). I enjoy being a part of a whole which gathers for the same reason, where the people all around me are doing all the same things that I am doing...where I know that I'm not the only one with my kinds of struggles. I'm not the black sheep in the room...but rather, we're all black sheep in one room...together....My teacher quoted Rinpoche today: "You are perfect just as you are...but you could use some work". This embodies so much truth. I must learn to accept myself as I am, but I must also allow myself to expand for as long as I shall live. We don't need all the answers to all of our questions in order to be happy. The answers are really in our questions. We ask people for advice, and they tell us what we already know deep inside...but sometimes we are too afraid to trust our own insight and intuition, and rely only on the insights of others... but when we learn to trust ourselves...our own instincts...life begins to unfold, and a whole new world of opportunity and beauty arises.
For me, my yoga practice isn't about getting a goal pose and going "ok, check! I'm done". It's so much more to me than that. It's about eternal blossoming...eternal expansion...eternal learning...eternal practice of patience, love, gratitude....it is a practice that embraces me in my successes and in my failures...it is always there...whether I am on my matt or at my desk, or in my kitchen, or at my job.....the practice is infinite...
That is all for now. Love<3
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