Cry, Baby

No kidding, I just had a HUGE tear-fest in my car driving home tonight. I even screamed bloody murder once, because I could feel the hurting so badly in my heart. It seemed like screaming really helped too. I think it is so important to cry (I do now a lot more than I used to.) I was raised with the ideals to 'get over it' and to 'suck it up'...but now that I'm an adult and coming more and more into myself, I am finding that this is the real nurturing way to get THROUGH it. I have battled eating disorders and other coping mechanisms that would only put more stress on my body and mind, when all I really needed to do was naturally cleanse myself of all of that built up junk I was holding on to. So, something as simple as crying...it's so good. I love it...I mean it's hard sometimes to go through the motions, but it always helps me feel better. 

I feel that it is so good for people to be genuine and real, which of course is why I totally expose myself here in this blog. It's like the diary I write for everyone to scrutinize and to (HOPEFULLY) help you all have something to relate to. (Of course I still keep a private journal, but I still write a lot in my blog that I write about in the pages of my diary.) We're all going through something...some kind of pain. It's the pain that we go through which helps us get stronger and grow more fully into who we are meant to be at this moment. One thing I've learned about things that trigger the tear power, is that it's always got something to do with love. Love...such a vast and complex thing it is...not only an emotion, but everything...like Prana...the life force...the universe...God. I have not yet seen Les Miserables the movie, but there's a quote from it that I've heard: "to love another is to see the face of God". Right in the heart that goes. Straight into the center of my whole being, shaking the core of my existence. I think we can all relate to what it feels like to love another person, or even a pet. Have you ever just sat there and felt that love that you have felt for another person? I mean first by thinking of someone you love deeply, then feeling the warmth inside of your heart that is ignited from thinking of them, and then putting aside who you may have thought of, and just felt that feeling you feel inside...it's a powerful thing. It's like the feeling of all feelings...a far better sense of euphoria than drugs or alcohol or food could ever give you. It's that way for me at least. 

One of my intentions for the new year has been to be more open and receptive to love. I've always been a real champ at giving it, but because I had so much trouble in the past with loving and accepting myself first, the love that I gave to others was limited. What I'm finding now is that because I have been through many life experiences, trials, lessons, etc. I have been able to find myself, and begin to love myself the way that I would want to be loved by another. I have also found, that because of this, somehow, the love is coming back to me. By loving oneself, one raises their vibration, and attracts the same vibration into their lives. Likewise, if we are negative and angry all the time, we'll attract that. It's all in the way that we are thinking...and it makes so much sense to me, especially after having experienced both sides of the coin. The other thing is that it has become so much easier for me as a human being to relate to and understand the actions and behaviors of my friends, family, accquaintences, collegues, or some random people I cross paths with. Especially in my friendships, I'm finding that yes, there are things in those close relationships that I feel hurt by or irritated about...but the cool part of this, is that "Oh, right...I would probably, most likely do the same thing if I were in that situation" or "OMG I do/have done that!" And there I have found understanding and acceptance and forgiveness...and you stick by those people that you love so deeply, no matter what...for no reason other than love. Those are the things that hold people together. Those things require a CRAP TON of love, especially in the craziest situations. Everything passes. It's good to realize that the pain you may be feeling right now may be caused by the fact that you, yourself have not yet delt with a particular thing inside of you, and it's God's way of reaching out to you to help you move through it and learn and grow from it. And then what happens, when you accept that things are perfect the way that they are right now, because there is some bigger plan that you've just got to have faith in...you grow spiritually, and in love. This love keeps the fire alive and burning within you, and between you and others... with valor...with splendor... Your own realizations can even help you become stronger for another who may need your love and support...people become angels for other people in this way. It's something so special and so needed, especially in the world today. 

To bring it all together, right now, I am grateful...and love comes with gratitude, and gratitude with love. I am grateful for the experiences, the lessons, the hard times even...of course it's easy to be grateful for all the awesome, cool, and brilliant things that occur in our day to day lives, but can we also be grateful for that which brings us pain?
I leave it here.
Love love love