I know...I know...I just wrote a blog three days ago, or something like that. That one was spur of the moment, and I really didn't have a chance to get to everything I wanted to write about.
Emotions are probably the least understood behavioral characteristics of every human being. Maybe science can give a better explanation of emotion than I could ever attempt to, but science is science. It doesn't answer all of my deepest, most pondered upon questions.
Empathy...Dictionary dot com defines as follows.(noun): the intellectual identification with, or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.
I feel empathy. Every day, I experience it, and I feel the effects and the tole it takes on my spirit. It can be so emotionally and spiritually draining sometimes. When a friend is hurting, whether they are expressing it outwardly or not, I can sense it. I can read between the lines. I can read the body language; even the subtlest things... being an emotional empath can be just as much of a curse as it is a gift. Already a sensitive human being, when I experience the pain and suffering of another individual, I am easy to hurt. I become emotionally vulnerable. One of the hardest things about being an empath, is that I may be able to easily feel others, but I am not as easily able to feel what is inside of myself. It's a connection with the outside, and a disconnection with the inside.
I think that everyone is empathetic, but on different levels. We are supposed to be able to feel others' emotions and be able to process them in a healthy way. Right now, it seems as though we have a spectrum of people in the world, where people lie at or in between these states: One, people that are completely cut off from everyone else's emotions, and only care about their own. Two, who is the healthy empath, who can process others' emotions, as well as their own emotions, and have established balance and harmony between others' emotions and their own. Three, people who connect with everyone else's emotions, but cannot seem to find that connection with their own....and then there are people in the middle somewhere between one or the other. I don't know about you, but I desire and try my best to land right smack in the middle, at number two. That is the place where I wish we could all be...what a healthy world it would be if we were all number two...but really, we're all over the place...but I guess that is alright.
Yesterday, after yoga, a couple of my good buds and I grabbed tea and talked. They sensed I needed to release something. I even released a good amount of pure crap before that class, but that wasn't enough. I was still holding back. I released a little more as we chatted afterwards, when I was able to explain and process what I was feeling into my understanding of this: If there's any one purpose I have in this life, it is to remind every person I meet, that we are all one. This separateness that we have come to be familiar with in our day to day lives, is the root of all of our pain and suffering. The only way we can fix all of the world problems is by simply remembering something called Love. Separation is painful... just as a tear in a muscle, or a fracture in a bone. Tearing apart what is and always has been meant to be connected will only lead to more pain...more suffering.
I realized that I was suffering, because I had built up stuff inside of me, which was based off of a disconnection I have been experiencing with certain people in my life, which also means I am experiencing the pain of disconnection in all of humanity as a whole. I wrote in my journal about feeling as though I am from some other planet, because I feel so different from everyone else, mainly because of my desire for this wholeness with everything, and because of my heightened sense of others' emotional state. I know that there are many people out there like me though...I've met some, and I have read about some...and that comforts me to know.
Last night, I was able to really release, and in all honesty, thinking about it is kind of funny, and sad at the same time...imagine yourself cleaning your home, doing the dishes, folding the laundry, and all the while, whailing and crying aloud. What a crazy duo... good thing I'm still living alone right now, because I was going nuts, cleaning my physical world, as well as cleaning out my emotional and spiritual world. How much better could it get? Really...
Today, I still feel a heaviness, as if there's still more to release, and it's probably because I've opened up the part of me that needed some relief. I guess there has just been so much build up inside of my heart, that it's too much to let it all out in one bang...I get that...I can sit with and accept that. I can accept that I may need to repeat that sequence of evens again, at least one more time, to get it all out. I may even need to just talk to a friend, and share what I have been feeling....I don't know.
What I do know is that I am grateful that I understand what it is happening inside of me...that I know how to, in a healthy way, release and cope with whatever comes up. I am glad to be able to identify when I'm going to explode and act accordingly. And last but not least, I am grateful for what it was that lit my last fuse, because I think I really just needed to release. When we build stuff up inside, we become a ticking time bomb, where someone can so much as make a funny face, and before we know it, we're bawling our brains out.
That's all....
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