There comes a time, when you reach that moment of peace, when everything seems to be absolutely perfect, even in the midst of chaos.
I feel like my life is starting to make so much more sense. My job, my hobbies, my passions, and my friends...all of it seems to be in order now...all in perfect alignment with what I love, desire, and am most passionate about. Looking back, I notice how I would constantly check in with what I wanted, and I would say, "I just want to help people...to be of service". Slowly, those visions I had began to weave their way into my life. I've always been a helper, a server, a listener, an advisor, a leader, and so on...but before I could really help others, I first needed to help myself. My life has been the most perfect teacher. My life taught me how to defeat my own demons, how to find strength within, comfort within, love within, and peace within. My life, thus far, has taught me to not rely on the thoughts,feelings, opinions, comfort, or strength of others, because everyone, no matter how much love they have for anyone else, they will always need to take care of themselves first. Everyone has their own lives to live. Everyone has their own struggles, battles, and issues that they need to tend to before they can tend to another. Mending one's own heart and soul first will generate a greater understanding, and a greater capacity for compassion, love, and forgiveness.
Life continues to teach me, and I will face new teachings, new obstacles, and new experiences until the very end of my days. Every lesson prepares us for the next lesson; just like in school, it's not advised to overlook a lesson and go to the next, because one will not have the tools, the knowledge, or the wisdom to learn the next lesson (because usually, the next lesson is way more complex than the previous one!). It is important to remain present in every lesson, obstacle, and experience, so that we can absorb the most of it. Some lessons are quick, but other lessons can take weeks, months, or even years of sitting with, before we can fully understand their value in our lives.
My greatest lesson lately has been that of Self Soothing. Definitely... I remember how I used to look to others for comfort, because I didn't know how to comfort myself. This has been a lesson of many years...and I didn't realize it was a lesson until probably a couple of months ago. Cultivating such an ability to soothe the self has been quite the experience, but has been incredibly valuable to me on my life journey. The inner strength I have gained from this practice is a phenomenal amount, and I am grateful for it. My relationships with others feel much more stable, because instead of looking for stability through another person, I can come into a relationship with another person already stable in myself, knowing who I am, what my needs are, and how I feel and think about things. I can feel strong in being who I am without being worried about what someone else may think or feel. I can also be a support to others who need it, without falling into their pain or patterns with them. Co-dependent tendencies wither away.
I feel that because I have been illuminating these areas of myself which have been kept in the dark for so long, I have been able to experience cleansing, healing, and grace in many areas of my life. There have been relationships with people in the past that caused me immense pain and suffering, due to my lack of inner strength and stability; but now, those relationships too, are healing. I feel myself becoming more eased and less anxious...less worried...more accepting of all that is, and more willing to just let go.
Life is a teacher, and time is a healer... that's all I have today.
Love,
Ashley
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