The Places that Scare Us

Yoga can be scary. From my own experience, I’ve had many poses that I’ve feared trying without the supervision of an instructor (and in some cases, even with supervision), because some poses can be dangerous if one does not have a planned ‘escape’ route, or something that one can pull back in to; like trying to hop up into a handstand without a wall behind you, or trying new hand and feet variations of head-stand, forearm-stand, shoulder-stand, and so on. Some even fear back-bending postures, such as full wheel, camel, or king pigeon for reasons all their own.

For me, one of the scariest things is not being able to practice asana. If I am unable to practice asana, I am taken into a whole other world of yoga; and that is the yoga of patience and stillness.

You see, about a week ago, I had an accident, and tripped over someone’s old beer bottle on the stairs at my apartment. I landed on glass, cutting open about a 3 inch long and ½ inch wide area on the back of my right calf. (Thankfully, that was all, as well as some bruises to go with it). Although it was only minor, it put me out of a regular practice on my mat. At first, I started to “flip out”. I cried more about not being able to practice at all for a few days, and be cautious for a week or two after. (Forget the wound; the inability to practice was killing me much more). All in all, it was pretty pathetic. Eventually, I realized that I needed to open up this space within me, and go into the places that scared me the most. I found that what I feared most was having to sit with myself…be with myself…because it is difficult for someone who likes to keep themselves busy (a.k.a. Me) to “take it easy” and “relax”. Once I identified my fear, I sat with it. I went to the things that I knew could pull me back in; the things that could bring be back to my center. I sat in meditation, in breathing, and focused on understanding, patience, and love. I sat and grew more comfortable. I sat, and found ease. I sat, and found what I most desperately needed to find. I found yet another piece of myself that is crucial to my development as an “urban yogi”, or more so as a human being. 

In the end, we can always make the choice of trying something scary and new, but sometimes, the Universe ‘speaks’ and says, “You have to go there. I’m making you”, thus crazy things happen in our lives for the sole purpose of entering the dark spaces that we so greatly fear, so that we may if we choose, shed light within the darkness in order to grow and expand into who we are meant to become.