To Feel is to be Human

To feel another human being; to feel their feelings, is known as empathy. One who is hypersensitive to the feelings of others is known as an Empath.

I am a feeler; yes... it is difficult for me to say no to someone in need, and when I cannot help someone in need, I find it hard to make eye contact, for fear that I will feel their pain; because I will. The eyes are the window to one's soul. An infants first connection to its mother after leaving the womb is usually through the eyes. It is after this connection has been made, that the infant stops crying and just gazes...in wonder...in awe...in total trust.

We connect with each other through the eyes, and through the eyes, into the soul, the heart, then the entire being of another person.  It's a beautiful thing...
But have you ever noticed, when you have either lied to or hurt someone, or someone has lied to or hurt you, that making eye contact and holding it becomes very difficult, and sometimes impossible? Yes?...this is because, mainly, you are afraid of either feeling their hurt, or transmitting your hurt to them...it's an unconscious awareness... It's a fear of allowing someone inside, deep enough to hurt us...so we look away, because we are afraid to feel pain...
By we, I mean I...

You see, I am sensitive...
I tend to love very deeply...
I tend to love so deeply, in fact, that I give to others, even if that means sacrificing my own needs.

Why?

I couldn't tell you...it's just who I am; it's how God made me. It's my karma. It's the way I'm supposed to be. And no matter how much I wish I weren't this way, somewhere deep inside of me, I know that the way that I am is perfect, and that everything around me, happening to me, cycling through me...is perfect.

It is learning to feel without judgment of myself that I struggle with the most. That is where most of my work is. That, and not allowing what or how I feel to take over my life.

I am breathed by something far greater than myself; I am breathed the same breath as every other living creature in this universe. I am no more than just a small particle on this great and vast horizon; yet I have such a great roll in maintaining the equilibrium of the whole system. We all do.... It may seem like a heavy burden to carry, but the comfort here is that everything is already perfect.

In life, we get hurt...we are supposed to get hurt, otherwise we will never learn, grow, or expand into an even fuller version of ourselves. We would never become who we are truly meant to be. We can't always change an outer circumstance, but what we can change is how we decide to respond to it.
It is always okay to cycle through the motions of anger, hurt, and pain, in whatever order that they come, but eventually, we just have to let go...and let it be...because no matter how much an outer circumstance hurts, there's a value and a purpose for it in our lives.

I'll be honest here; that right now, I'm hurting. There's no one that I blame, and even though before I may have had others to blame, or myself to blame, now, I have no one to blame. I just recognize what I'm feeling, and have decided to move through it in the best way that I can. That's all we can do...and "this too shall pass".

It's not always for the purpose of pain that we have pain; but rather it is for the purpose of cleansing, growth, and expansion that we feel pain. Pain is a piece of the puzzle of happiness. In order to feel happiness, we must also know pain. We must also know that pain does not have to mean that we cannot be happy. Pain just reminds us that love really does exist...because after all, it is in love, where we find the most heartache and suffering.

ॐ Guru Guru Wahe Guru, Guru Ram Das Guru ॐ

~Oh Divine Guide, Divine Guide who carries me across the troubles and turmoil of life. How grateful I am for Your greatness, Divine Guide... you have taken form as the light of God. In that form, guide me always.~

We are all in this together....Namaste.

If you haven't cried by the end of 2012...

If you haven't cried by then end of 2012, you must have been MIA...I'm not talking baby tears. I'm talking full on sob-mania. There is just something about this year in particular, that has been extremely heavy on the heart; not only for myself, but for at least 95% of the people I know. Whether we have faced death, breakups, unrequited love, physical illness, depression, or anxiety, we have all experienced something, or maybe some things that have made this year an extra difficult one. Collectively, we have all suffered or are currently suffering the pain of separateness...loneliness...no matter how many friends we make, or how much socializing we do, by the end of the day, we come home, take off our "I'm perfectly fine" mask, and everything settles back into reality. The dishes sit dirty in the sink, the laundry pile is mountain high on the bed, the bills sit passively on the table, the dog still needs to be walked and fed, dinner still needs to be made...but wait, I have no food, and the store is closing soon.... and so on...the list never ends, it seems, and the cycle repeats itself day after day...this is the life of the average adult...or pretty close to it. This is where I am grateful for my daily practice...yoga, meditation, breathing, writing, reading...these activities seem to make my life a lot more mindful, as well as meaningful, and I find that when I perform these activities regularly, I'm a much happier and well centered human being. But what happens when we are knocked off course? What happens when we receive bad news, or are criticized, or are faced with a serious problem of some kind? What is it that we do? Some people say "just be calm, and it will get better" I used to say that...I used to live by that principle...but there are others who say, "Let yourself have your mood, damnit!" and I am starting to live by this. Emotions are felt, because they need to be felt. Emotions are there, not to be ignored or numbed, but to be processed and understood. They are God given blessings, no matter how much they hurt, or for how long they hurt. If they are just placed on the back burner to be forgotten about and untended to, then the pile will quickly add up, and it won't take much in order to reach a breaking point. I say, feel the little agitations, the little bouts of sadness, the little bouts of anger and heartache. Allow tears to flow when they start to swell your eyelids...don't force them back...it isn't healthy. The breaking point is an unhealthy place to come to...bad thoughts accompany this level of unkempt emotional baggage. Allow all emotions to process before coming to this point. Allow yourself to understand and accept why it is that you are feeling so.

Today was Christmas. It's a holiday of great joy and gathering. It was the darkest day of the year, and what is supposed to be the most joyous and celebrated day, landed on the darkest and most emotional day for many. There was Christmas yoga today at Yoga Oasis studio, which I am extremely grateful for. I have been on the edge of tears for the past few days, because of some news that I recieved, as well as other emotions that were due for processing. It was a 1hr 15min class, and I cried the whole time. Even in Savasana. The best part is, I didn't try to stop it. I just let it flow, just like I was letting my body flow. The heart openers really got me rolling, thank God for that...in all honesty, and the tear flow and heart sobbing continued a good few hours after. After class, I found support and love from some of my dearest peers. We talked about how if only everyone were more real, the world would be such a better place. We ask each other all the time, "How are you?" and the response, "I'm good, and you?" and the response, "I'm good, thanks." And about 90% of the time, it's complete b.s. We need to stop with the b.s. and get real in order to heal humanity. We're all in the same boat. We all go through pain and heartache. We all experience love and death. We all know! We all understand! We just need to let go and let love in. Why is it that we are so afraid to trust each other? If we all had faith and trusted in one another, imagine what would become of this world. I'm not saying go forth and tell everyone all of your problems. What I am saying is that when you are hurting, when you are in pain, don't just let yourself be there alone. Chances are, there's someone in your life willing to listen and be there. And if someone comes to you, hurting...remember that you would want the same support if you are in pain. Life is reciprocal. We get back what we give. It's the law of nature. That's just the way it is. So I leave this here...as I just needed to process my own thoughts and insights after a very emotional and dark day. Thankfully, I had friends who reminded me of the light within. Namaste.