To Feel is to be Human

To feel another human being; to feel their feelings, is known as empathy. One who is hypersensitive to the feelings of others is known as an Empath.

I am a feeler; yes... it is difficult for me to say no to someone in need, and when I cannot help someone in need, I find it hard to make eye contact, for fear that I will feel their pain; because I will. The eyes are the window to one's soul. An infants first connection to its mother after leaving the womb is usually through the eyes. It is after this connection has been made, that the infant stops crying and just gazes...in wonder...in awe...in total trust.

We connect with each other through the eyes, and through the eyes, into the soul, the heart, then the entire being of another person.  It's a beautiful thing...
But have you ever noticed, when you have either lied to or hurt someone, or someone has lied to or hurt you, that making eye contact and holding it becomes very difficult, and sometimes impossible? Yes?...this is because, mainly, you are afraid of either feeling their hurt, or transmitting your hurt to them...it's an unconscious awareness... It's a fear of allowing someone inside, deep enough to hurt us...so we look away, because we are afraid to feel pain...
By we, I mean I...

You see, I am sensitive...
I tend to love very deeply...
I tend to love so deeply, in fact, that I give to others, even if that means sacrificing my own needs.

Why?

I couldn't tell you...it's just who I am; it's how God made me. It's my karma. It's the way I'm supposed to be. And no matter how much I wish I weren't this way, somewhere deep inside of me, I know that the way that I am is perfect, and that everything around me, happening to me, cycling through me...is perfect.

It is learning to feel without judgment of myself that I struggle with the most. That is where most of my work is. That, and not allowing what or how I feel to take over my life.

I am breathed by something far greater than myself; I am breathed the same breath as every other living creature in this universe. I am no more than just a small particle on this great and vast horizon; yet I have such a great roll in maintaining the equilibrium of the whole system. We all do.... It may seem like a heavy burden to carry, but the comfort here is that everything is already perfect.

In life, we get hurt...we are supposed to get hurt, otherwise we will never learn, grow, or expand into an even fuller version of ourselves. We would never become who we are truly meant to be. We can't always change an outer circumstance, but what we can change is how we decide to respond to it.
It is always okay to cycle through the motions of anger, hurt, and pain, in whatever order that they come, but eventually, we just have to let go...and let it be...because no matter how much an outer circumstance hurts, there's a value and a purpose for it in our lives.

I'll be honest here; that right now, I'm hurting. There's no one that I blame, and even though before I may have had others to blame, or myself to blame, now, I have no one to blame. I just recognize what I'm feeling, and have decided to move through it in the best way that I can. That's all we can do...and "this too shall pass".

It's not always for the purpose of pain that we have pain; but rather it is for the purpose of cleansing, growth, and expansion that we feel pain. Pain is a piece of the puzzle of happiness. In order to feel happiness, we must also know pain. We must also know that pain does not have to mean that we cannot be happy. Pain just reminds us that love really does exist...because after all, it is in love, where we find the most heartache and suffering.

ॐ Guru Guru Wahe Guru, Guru Ram Das Guru ॐ

~Oh Divine Guide, Divine Guide who carries me across the troubles and turmoil of life. How grateful I am for Your greatness, Divine Guide... you have taken form as the light of God. In that form, guide me always.~

We are all in this together....Namaste.

Anything can happen

I just feel like giving you guys an update. :) I'm not feeling super philosophical at the moment, because I'm sleepy and I'm having a bit of an issue in my left forearm, so it's a little difficult to type without any pain. I am trying not to use my pinkie or ring finger, and keep my wrists down as I type to make it easier. :P

The pain started about a week ago...it was just a twinge that I thought was nothing and was going to go away fast. It ended up getting a lot worse, and today it's pretty painful, maybe because I had super Dr. Eric mess with it yesterday when I went to see him to get a rib back in, and then today I finally got the guts to tell Steph that my arm was bothering me. I hate admitting that something's wrong. I don't like having an injury. It makes me feel like a failure...but I'm working on that. I know that this isn't from yoga...I remember it started at work last week, and then I worked all weekend in the kitchen. It's probably from lifting heavy things. I'd assume so...it could be more than just one thing contributing. I'm really watching how I place my hands in yoga practice. Anyway, I got my arm manhandled by Stephani after telling her (it was painfully good...I'm so grateful). She mentioned it could be partly a shoulder issue. Anyway, I have to shout out to the world that she's a FANTASTIC masseuse. Go to her.

The word of the day was Playfulness, and then there was the phrase, "anything can happen"...for sure. You never know.

I wish I would have said something about my arm sooner, and maybe it wouldn't be so bad right now. I mean, it's not the end of the world or anything, it's just that I could have prevented it from getting to this point. I did my research on the area, and found out that it appears to be ECU tendonitis (extensor carpi ulnaris). I did the diagnostic test I found online (pretty cool that you can do that these days). It hurt in the places it said it would if the ECU was involved. The joints connecting my wrist to my ulna, and my ulna to my elbow are where it hurts the most. It also hurts on the back of the hand in between the ring and pinkie fingers. I'm also feeling some tendonitis pain in my left ankle from an old soccer injury. I'm going to juice up on ginger and turmeric this week, starting tomorrow (anti-inflamitory aides of nature!). :)  anyway, enough of that. 

Besides the arm issue, I just wanted to write about how grateful I am lately, and that I feel so blessed to be where I am today. School is going well, and I am almost finished. I am excited to start a new chapter in my life, but I'm also improving at being 'in the moment'. It's great. I'm having an easier time paying attention in my school classes now. It was a rough road last semester, trying to find that balance.

I have amazing friends that I've been able to share good words and lots of love with. I'm in love with them, and I'm so happy to be sharing this life with such wonderful kindred spirits.

Tabetha and I got a new roommate. Her English name is Judy; she's from China, but has lived in the states a while. The only downer is that she doesn't speak much English, nor does she understand it; but at least we can share smiles. That's always nice :) She's in her upper 30s, and she's always cleaning our dishes. Pretty sweet, and kind of a miracle. ha! She just wants to, so I guess I don't see anything wrong wiith that. Tabetha and I are a little OCD though, so we have to check to see if they are clean. It's pretty hilarious.

I feel like I was going to write about something in particular earlier today, but I forgot what it was...I'm sure it'll come back to me in the next few days, and I'll be on that. I just wanted you all to know I'm hanging in there, and that I hope you all are too! Never forget we're all in this life together. I've got to remind myself every day. 

Take care, Love and Wellness to you all! And please pray for me and my tendon issues lately. I'd really appreciate the kind loving thoughts <3

 oh, and...'If you want, ask, or pray for something, be willing to trust the process...

 because the process isn't always the lightest, easiest, or the brightest.

xoxo