Anything can happen

I just feel like giving you guys an update. :) I'm not feeling super philosophical at the moment, because I'm sleepy and I'm having a bit of an issue in my left forearm, so it's a little difficult to type without any pain. I am trying not to use my pinkie or ring finger, and keep my wrists down as I type to make it easier. :P

The pain started about a week ago...it was just a twinge that I thought was nothing and was going to go away fast. It ended up getting a lot worse, and today it's pretty painful, maybe because I had super Dr. Eric mess with it yesterday when I went to see him to get a rib back in, and then today I finally got the guts to tell Steph that my arm was bothering me. I hate admitting that something's wrong. I don't like having an injury. It makes me feel like a failure...but I'm working on that. I know that this isn't from yoga...I remember it started at work last week, and then I worked all weekend in the kitchen. It's probably from lifting heavy things. I'd assume so...it could be more than just one thing contributing. I'm really watching how I place my hands in yoga practice. Anyway, I got my arm manhandled by Stephani after telling her (it was painfully good...I'm so grateful). She mentioned it could be partly a shoulder issue. Anyway, I have to shout out to the world that she's a FANTASTIC masseuse. Go to her.

The word of the day was Playfulness, and then there was the phrase, "anything can happen"...for sure. You never know.

I wish I would have said something about my arm sooner, and maybe it wouldn't be so bad right now. I mean, it's not the end of the world or anything, it's just that I could have prevented it from getting to this point. I did my research on the area, and found out that it appears to be ECU tendonitis (extensor carpi ulnaris). I did the diagnostic test I found online (pretty cool that you can do that these days). It hurt in the places it said it would if the ECU was involved. The joints connecting my wrist to my ulna, and my ulna to my elbow are where it hurts the most. It also hurts on the back of the hand in between the ring and pinkie fingers. I'm also feeling some tendonitis pain in my left ankle from an old soccer injury. I'm going to juice up on ginger and turmeric this week, starting tomorrow (anti-inflamitory aides of nature!). :)  anyway, enough of that. 

Besides the arm issue, I just wanted to write about how grateful I am lately, and that I feel so blessed to be where I am today. School is going well, and I am almost finished. I am excited to start a new chapter in my life, but I'm also improving at being 'in the moment'. It's great. I'm having an easier time paying attention in my school classes now. It was a rough road last semester, trying to find that balance.

I have amazing friends that I've been able to share good words and lots of love with. I'm in love with them, and I'm so happy to be sharing this life with such wonderful kindred spirits.

Tabetha and I got a new roommate. Her English name is Judy; she's from China, but has lived in the states a while. The only downer is that she doesn't speak much English, nor does she understand it; but at least we can share smiles. That's always nice :) She's in her upper 30s, and she's always cleaning our dishes. Pretty sweet, and kind of a miracle. ha! She just wants to, so I guess I don't see anything wrong wiith that. Tabetha and I are a little OCD though, so we have to check to see if they are clean. It's pretty hilarious.

I feel like I was going to write about something in particular earlier today, but I forgot what it was...I'm sure it'll come back to me in the next few days, and I'll be on that. I just wanted you all to know I'm hanging in there, and that I hope you all are too! Never forget we're all in this life together. I've got to remind myself every day. 

Take care, Love and Wellness to you all! And please pray for me and my tendon issues lately. I'd really appreciate the kind loving thoughts <3

 oh, and...'If you want, ask, or pray for something, be willing to trust the process...

 because the process isn't always the lightest, easiest, or the brightest.

xoxo

Cry, Baby

No kidding, I just had a HUGE tear-fest in my car driving home tonight. I even screamed bloody murder once, because I could feel the hurting so badly in my heart. It seemed like screaming really helped too. I think it is so important to cry (I do now a lot more than I used to.) I was raised with the ideals to 'get over it' and to 'suck it up'...but now that I'm an adult and coming more and more into myself, I am finding that this is the real nurturing way to get THROUGH it. I have battled eating disorders and other coping mechanisms that would only put more stress on my body and mind, when all I really needed to do was naturally cleanse myself of all of that built up junk I was holding on to. So, something as simple as crying...it's so good. I love it...I mean it's hard sometimes to go through the motions, but it always helps me feel better. 

I feel that it is so good for people to be genuine and real, which of course is why I totally expose myself here in this blog. It's like the diary I write for everyone to scrutinize and to (HOPEFULLY) help you all have something to relate to. (Of course I still keep a private journal, but I still write a lot in my blog that I write about in the pages of my diary.) We're all going through something...some kind of pain. It's the pain that we go through which helps us get stronger and grow more fully into who we are meant to be at this moment. One thing I've learned about things that trigger the tear power, is that it's always got something to do with love. Love...such a vast and complex thing it is...not only an emotion, but everything...like Prana...the life force...the universe...God. I have not yet seen Les Miserables the movie, but there's a quote from it that I've heard: "to love another is to see the face of God". Right in the heart that goes. Straight into the center of my whole being, shaking the core of my existence. I think we can all relate to what it feels like to love another person, or even a pet. Have you ever just sat there and felt that love that you have felt for another person? I mean first by thinking of someone you love deeply, then feeling the warmth inside of your heart that is ignited from thinking of them, and then putting aside who you may have thought of, and just felt that feeling you feel inside...it's a powerful thing. It's like the feeling of all feelings...a far better sense of euphoria than drugs or alcohol or food could ever give you. It's that way for me at least. 

One of my intentions for the new year has been to be more open and receptive to love. I've always been a real champ at giving it, but because I had so much trouble in the past with loving and accepting myself first, the love that I gave to others was limited. What I'm finding now is that because I have been through many life experiences, trials, lessons, etc. I have been able to find myself, and begin to love myself the way that I would want to be loved by another. I have also found, that because of this, somehow, the love is coming back to me. By loving oneself, one raises their vibration, and attracts the same vibration into their lives. Likewise, if we are negative and angry all the time, we'll attract that. It's all in the way that we are thinking...and it makes so much sense to me, especially after having experienced both sides of the coin. The other thing is that it has become so much easier for me as a human being to relate to and understand the actions and behaviors of my friends, family, accquaintences, collegues, or some random people I cross paths with. Especially in my friendships, I'm finding that yes, there are things in those close relationships that I feel hurt by or irritated about...but the cool part of this, is that "Oh, right...I would probably, most likely do the same thing if I were in that situation" or "OMG I do/have done that!" And there I have found understanding and acceptance and forgiveness...and you stick by those people that you love so deeply, no matter what...for no reason other than love. Those are the things that hold people together. Those things require a CRAP TON of love, especially in the craziest situations. Everything passes. It's good to realize that the pain you may be feeling right now may be caused by the fact that you, yourself have not yet delt with a particular thing inside of you, and it's God's way of reaching out to you to help you move through it and learn and grow from it. And then what happens, when you accept that things are perfect the way that they are right now, because there is some bigger plan that you've just got to have faith in...you grow spiritually, and in love. This love keeps the fire alive and burning within you, and between you and others... with valor...with splendor... Your own realizations can even help you become stronger for another who may need your love and support...people become angels for other people in this way. It's something so special and so needed, especially in the world today. 

To bring it all together, right now, I am grateful...and love comes with gratitude, and gratitude with love. I am grateful for the experiences, the lessons, the hard times even...of course it's easy to be grateful for all the awesome, cool, and brilliant things that occur in our day to day lives, but can we also be grateful for that which brings us pain?
I leave it here.
Love love love 

Love has Nothing to do with Sex

To have a friend
One must first be a friend
To be a friend
One must first befriend their self

To have love 
One must first give love
To give love
One must first learn to love their self

What does it mean to be in love? My answer is simple, yet may be complex, depending on whoever is reading. To be in love, first of all, has absolutely nothing to do with sex, physical desires, or feeling obligation towards another. To be in love has everything to do with spirit...faith...grace... People fear these three terms, because they are automatically translated into religion. I am not talking religion...I am talking simply about a person's own personal spirituality; a person's own spiritual connection with God, the Universe, the Great Spirit, and however else we humans describe where we come from. The good news is, we all come from the same place; all connected, all one (even though we're each our own individual person). To gain that connection is a huge blessing. To gain that connection means spiritual growth and awareness. It does not, however, mean life will become easier. It does mean that life will become more bearable, and that we, spiritual beings in human bodies, are beginning to look inward. When the world outside of us is in chaos, we go inward, and immediately see that maybe the reason it's all chaos on the outside is because it's all chaos on the inside. This is where we have the choice to act...to change...to grow...

A recently blossoming friendship of mine has been an incredibly transformative experience for me, as I walk my own spiritual path. It has shifted something within me, and has uncovered a whole new area of spiritual insights for me, and I am grateful. Finding friendship that is genuine is not always the simplest in today's society, where we are all very much drawn into our egotistical selves, instead of our spiritual selves...many friendships today are based upon the "I will give you ___ if you can give me ___" which is more about pleasing the ego than the spirit. Many are codependent-like, which I am sure we have all experienced. The spiritual friendships that we may come by are more like "I want to give you ___, because I want you to be happy, and I wish for nothing in return". The spiritual friendship requires little effort, because the link between the souls is so strong, that pretty much nothing can break it. The spiritual friend is there in times of chaos, madness, sadness...but is also there during times of great joy, and times of great peace. The spiritual friend never leaves your side yet will give you the space you need at any given time, because they understand you in a way that is indescribably beautiful, non-judgmental, loving, nurturing, and caring. The spiritual friendship lies on a strong and solid foundation, large enough for eternal growth together, while also leaving room for each individual to grow on their own. It is a highly supportive relationship to have...it is the essence of love itself, and is something that I wish could be between all human beings...after all, we are all connected...but, I am grateful for those connections which I have in my own life, that lead me to believe that true, real love, does exist...that I do not need to go searching for 'the one' for the rest of my life, because I am happy and in love with my own spirit, which in turn opens me up to receiving that same special love from others around me who are so willing as I am, to give...who are so willing to love and be loved.
Love, is forgiving. Love is limitless...Love begins within the self, and then it expands into every relationship that you have...and what better time to choose love, than right now?

"When we align with Nature, magic happens" - John Friend

 

Hello 2013!

Well, I ended my 2012 with a bang! Quite literally, if you consider the crim that happened at my apartment complex. But on a higher note, I made sure I had a wonderful new year's eve.

Monday afternoon, I spent some quality time with a few of my girlfriends. We ate at OPA! Greek Cafe. It was delicious. I admit to having cheese (dairy) and wheat, two of my biggest food group nemises. I'm paying for it now though. ;) We ate, then went to grab tea, and hung out at Parker's place for a while. In the evening, I went to my first ever Journey Dance at The Movement Shala downtown. One word: AMAZING. I felt so free and alive. It was guided, but completely free style...for example, she says, "Paint a rainbow with your hands" or "Caress the floor as you would a beloved's face" and things like that. It was amazing how different everyone was, but how beautiful the heart dance is. I found a partner and we used each other as props. It was the coolest experience ever. I'd definitely do it again, and it shouldn't surprise anyone if I ever get certified to teach that as well as yoga.

After the dance class, I went to my work Cartel, to say hi and grab some good ole green tea, and then headed to the yoga studio for new year yoga with Tanya and Jamie at Yoga Oasis. That too was wonderful! I had a blast! We journaled in the beginning, sang the mantra, "Om sri maha lakshmie namaha" 108 times, and then began our flow through asana. We had to pick a pose to bring in the new year, and all I knew was that I wanted to do a backbend to open up my heart. I originally thought kapotasana, but then I remembered when I was at the John Friend workshop and I got into ganda bherundasana for the first time ever, and how freaking good it felt, how accomplished and liberated I felt. I just knew that that was "the one" pose for the year. The pose that embodies everything I thought of from 2012, and how I want 2013 to feel. In this pose, the chest, neck and chin lie flat on the floor, and shoulders are up and back. The feet reach to touch the head (I can't do the head touching... YET). This symbolizes an anchoring of the heart, all the while keeping the heart open and receptive and willing to love. It isn't the most comfortable pose, which for me, symbolizes how life brings us great challenges, discomfort, pain, etc...but it is all for our own greater good. These challenges force us to grow and expand, and in the end, bring us an exhilerating feeling in our hearts and minds and emotions. It reaveals to us, all that we have accomplished, and all we have survived through, and how we are now in an even better place because of it. I am excited for this year, which I am sure will bring me many, many more lessons to learn, so that I can continue to grow and experience this life to the fullest. I am grateful for those who have blessed my life with their presence and light. I have all I need within my heart, for God lives there. My soul lives and breathes the breath of God throughout my entire being. I am breathed, animated, and loved by the one force which breathes, animates, and loves us all.

Namaste