I can't really explain how I am feeling, other than that I am feeling change sweep over me like a whirlwind.
As I walk my path in life, I learn through countless interactions, situations, and trials. One of my greatest flaws is my social anxiety. As I grow older, my anxiety seems to increase, as I learn day by day, that not all people are trustworthy...not even the people I love the most... either that is truth, or it is my anxiety speaking believable lies into my head.
My heart is heavy, because I feel as though I am a genuine human being, living in a superficial world. I know I am not the only genuine being on this planet, but it is difficult to find people like us, because we are so few and far between. We are like ships sailing in the night...or like the stars so distant in the sky, that you barely notice them.
I feel as though at times my ship is sinking. At times, my sails have trouble guiding me. Sometimes I have to repair damages that cut so deep in the worst places...but I move along somehow...not sinking.
Sometimes, I don't know how I do it. I know I am placed on Earth for a reason. I know that I have work to do here...and that is the only reason I am still around. If it were not for that knowing, I would not be here... the world can be so cruel...then again, it can be so loving and kind. I suppose its what you turn your attention to.
I have learned in my life, that even when focusing on the good, bad things will still happen. It's not always in my control what things come into my life. Sometimes, it's just the random play of the universe; or the way I am to receive my life teachings. Some days I feel so inspired, and others I feel completely drained. Some days my heart is full and willing...and other days, empty and reluctant.
I know that whatever happens...whatever I am feeling, will pass.
I have learned that in order to grow in this life, I must sit with my feelings. I must learn a valuable lesson from the ones that come raging in like an atomic bomb in my heart. My spirit gains the most value from those particular feelings and experiences...no matter how good or bad they are. Everything in a person's life is there to be contemplated upon...not ignored or pushed aside for another time...but they are there to be learned in those very moments that they come.
Time is nothing. Time is something only human beings understand, because we have the ability to think and to create. I create my moments. And by that, I mean that I choose the way I see things. If I see them the way that they are, rather than attaching a story line or melodrama to them, my life becomes a lot easier. It's not always going to be easy. I know this from experience. Sometimes the things you love the most are the things you have to let go of, no matter how much it hurts.
I am sensitive. I have a lot of personal issues...but who out there does not? Even the Dali Lama has his problems...but he sees them in light, and he uses them to teach him and others the way of truth and love. I see this in so many great public figures; Christ, Mother Theresa, Gandhi, Siddhartha, and so on...
I have learned that I just have to continue to remind myself to trust the process...my process...and believe, even when I feel like I can't... it's the only way to survive in the world, and to endure suffering in a healthier way.
My heart goes out to all who suffer...to everyone. May you, too, have the courage and the strength to endure with complete faith that all is there with purpose. May you walk your path steadily...May all beings be at peace. We are all stars scattered across a vast and ever growing universe....may we all continue to expand with her.
Namaste.
As I walk my path in life, I learn through countless interactions, situations, and trials. One of my greatest flaws is my social anxiety. As I grow older, my anxiety seems to increase, as I learn day by day, that not all people are trustworthy...not even the people I love the most... either that is truth, or it is my anxiety speaking believable lies into my head.
My heart is heavy, because I feel as though I am a genuine human being, living in a superficial world. I know I am not the only genuine being on this planet, but it is difficult to find people like us, because we are so few and far between. We are like ships sailing in the night...or like the stars so distant in the sky, that you barely notice them.
I feel as though at times my ship is sinking. At times, my sails have trouble guiding me. Sometimes I have to repair damages that cut so deep in the worst places...but I move along somehow...not sinking.
Sometimes, I don't know how I do it. I know I am placed on Earth for a reason. I know that I have work to do here...and that is the only reason I am still around. If it were not for that knowing, I would not be here... the world can be so cruel...then again, it can be so loving and kind. I suppose its what you turn your attention to.
I have learned in my life, that even when focusing on the good, bad things will still happen. It's not always in my control what things come into my life. Sometimes, it's just the random play of the universe; or the way I am to receive my life teachings. Some days I feel so inspired, and others I feel completely drained. Some days my heart is full and willing...and other days, empty and reluctant.
I know that whatever happens...whatever I am feeling, will pass.
I have learned that in order to grow in this life, I must sit with my feelings. I must learn a valuable lesson from the ones that come raging in like an atomic bomb in my heart. My spirit gains the most value from those particular feelings and experiences...no matter how good or bad they are. Everything in a person's life is there to be contemplated upon...not ignored or pushed aside for another time...but they are there to be learned in those very moments that they come.
Time is nothing. Time is something only human beings understand, because we have the ability to think and to create. I create my moments. And by that, I mean that I choose the way I see things. If I see them the way that they are, rather than attaching a story line or melodrama to them, my life becomes a lot easier. It's not always going to be easy. I know this from experience. Sometimes the things you love the most are the things you have to let go of, no matter how much it hurts.
I am sensitive. I have a lot of personal issues...but who out there does not? Even the Dali Lama has his problems...but he sees them in light, and he uses them to teach him and others the way of truth and love. I see this in so many great public figures; Christ, Mother Theresa, Gandhi, Siddhartha, and so on...
I have learned that I just have to continue to remind myself to trust the process...my process...and believe, even when I feel like I can't... it's the only way to survive in the world, and to endure suffering in a healthier way.
My heart goes out to all who suffer...to everyone. May you, too, have the courage and the strength to endure with complete faith that all is there with purpose. May you walk your path steadily...May all beings be at peace. We are all stars scattered across a vast and ever growing universe....may we all continue to expand with her.
Namaste.
