Grandmother Willow

Grandmother Willow: Now then, there's something I want to show you. Look. [dips her vine in the water in which glowing ripples begin to form] Pocahontas: The ripples. John Smith: What about them? Grandmother Willow: So small at first, then look how they grow. But someone has to start them. John Smith: They're not gonna listen to us. Grandmother Willow: Young man, sometimes the right path is not the easiest one. Don't you see? Only when the fighting stops, can you be together. 

~ Scene from Disney's Pocahontas

I recently had some time to myself,  and found Pocahontas on Netflix. I watched it all the way through.... It's probably been about 10 years  since I had last seen the movie, so my viewpoint on the story was so much different this time, in comparison to how I thought about it when I was a child. I was stunned at how many references were made to the belief of oneness, and how God is everywhere. By saying God, it can be whatever you believe God to be; whether that's the Universe, the breath in your body, Christ, Shiva/Shakti, etc...or it can be all of it, and all of everything, like I believe.
I went with my boyfriend to visit his grandmother yesterday before I ventured off to yoga (which I will talk about in a moment). The woman was adorable; old, and not all there, but very wise; I could tell. She's lived a good 80 plus years, so she's seen the world change tremendously. She's been through more than anyone my age could ever imagine. She's got wisdom written all over her. She said a few things that reminded me of the impermanence of our physicalities, and the permanence of spirit. What a treat to hear stories from her younger years, and even one about my boyfriend (Mathieu) when he was a small child. Mathieu was playing with some boys in the neighborhood, and they were giving him a hard time saying,
"God isn't real. I can't see him, so he doesn't exist".  Mathieu runs to his grandmother and tells her what they said, and she looked up and prayed for something she could say, and then it came to her to say to Mathieu,
"Mathieu, look, you see the wind, how it moves the trees? You can't see it, but you can see how it moves things. You can feel it caress your skin and blow through your hair. That's how God is. You can't see God, but God is real". Mathieu runs back to the boys and screams,
"GOD IS THE WIND!"
It was such a precious story, touching to my heart. True to my core. I thought about the story of Pocahontas and the conversation between Grandmother Willow and John Smith about the ripple effect. That too is like the wind. There is a creative force behind everything, whether it is something we see as positive or negative. The primary force will always lead to amplification of that force, unless something from the outside intercepts and stops it, or creates a new ripple.

I think of how in our world we suffer from tremendous amounts of anxiety, depression, and codependency, and how we create drama based off of melodramas that we have created in our own heads, which also lead to obsessions, anxieties, fears, and so on...
I feel like nature is where our heart is; where we can reestablish that sense of connectedness, peace, belonging...and rid ourselves of the negative influences, thoughts, and patterns we allow ourselves to put up with on a daily basis.

Kind of switching the topic now...

After visiting Mathieu's grandmother, he went to tennis, and I went to yoga. I had planned to go to Travis Arnold's expanding class, since now I can, and it's great! Something came up though, and he wasn't able to make it in time. We joked around with Stephani Lindsey who happened to be subbing for Darren Rhode's Basics class at the same time, and said, "why don't you just teach us at the same time; run back and forth, or something". We all giggled and made light of the whole situation, secretly hoping we'd actually do something like that, and before we knew it, we actually merged into the big room, split the classroom down the middle, and Stephani taught Basics and Expanding simultaneously (who does that???) ...not even that, but the sequences were entirely different...nothing alike at all...it was very impressive and such a cool experience. I'm so glad I was there! Lucky for sure.
I got to thinking, I am so fortunate. I could have landed my butt in any yoga studio in town and made it my home, and I'm sure anywhere would have had something great to offer in my life...but to be at Yoga Oasis, to know the people I know, to practice with the people I practice with, and to learn from (I seriously believe) some of the most amazing yoga instructors around, people who have studied with Christina Sell, Darren Rhodes (the owner of YO), John Friend, Noah Maze, Manorama, Ulla Lundgren, and so many more...it's like heaven. For me to have even been able to study with Christina, Darren, and even John myself is something I am deeply grateful for, and still absolutely amazed that I have had such opportunities come along my path. What a GIFT I feel my life is; how far I feel like I have come since even last year around this time.

Next planned thing for me is the end of November, Costa Rica for one swwwwweeeeet week with Dear Stephani Lindsey and Christine Lee, my two badass yoga buddies, Stephani foremost my teacher for the past year and almost a half (I think). Time flies when you're having fun! (or getting injured, having days of panic, emotional roller coasters, and so on. haha). It is all part of the process. We should not rush the process, but rather trust the process. Time brings everything. Patience is the key to it all...patience and acceptance....and gratitude :)

To wrap it all up, I want to mention this concept of "space" that has recently been flooding my ears, thoughts, mind, dreams, day to day life, and things in my sight. I kept seeing "Breathe Space" or "Breathe and Be Still" or just "Space". I remember...something I learned a while back, was that in that "space" is where our creative energy lies...and in that "space" we can create anything we want. It's our choice... "What you think is what you get" quoting a teacher quoting a teacher. And after we create something in that space, which starts as a thought, will ripple out into the universe, and become attracted into your life, and maybe into the lives of people around you. You just never know. The universe, in my world, doesn't distinguish good and bad...everything just is...it is what it is. It is what we make of it. It's perfect...

All in all, there is space, in that space we plant a thought, the thought creates a ripple, the ripple spreads and impacts it's surroundings, and everything has to be started by one creative force. That force is you.

That's all for now.

Be Your own Best Teacher

“If I am walking with two other men, each of them will serve as my teacher. I will pick out the good points of the one and imitate them and the bad points of the other and correct them in myself.”

~ Confucius

Choosing a teacher, not only in yoga, but in any other life practice or personal hobby, is something that takes a lot of openness, non-judgment, awareness, self-discovery, and most of all, patience. From my own experience, I’ve had to face my own inner demons as I learned to love and trust some of my own cherished teachers in school, as well as in yoga. For the sake of keeping things on topic, we’ll focus on yoga, or anything of this particular nature.

When I first began my yoga practice, I remember going to about 3, 1 hour classes per day (during the school week) and to all different instructors for the first two weeks that I had started up at a particular studio in town (Yoga Oasis, if anyone is interested!). Once those two weeks had come to an end, I was already addicted to yoga, and craved it in my almost every waking moment. I had also found my teacher of choice, as well as a couple of secondary preferences as I progressed in practice.

Throughout the following year, I continued to learn and take in new insights and experiences; triumphs and failures; growth and injuries; expansion and contraction…life progressed… In the beginning, it is easy to nearly ‘worship’ or idolize one’s teacher, at least in my experience; but as time goes on, and more time is spent with a teacher or teachers, the open, honest, and growing student will soon (hopefully) realize that the superficial teacher alone is not the answer. As the Confucius quote implies, the teacher is merely a mirror of both our strengths and weaknesses. We get to see them both, become the good, and correct the not-so-good, but learn to love both just as equally. The teacher is not there to show us perfection. The teacher is there to show us everything…even the not-so-pretty stuff that we typically like to keep ourselves isolated from.

On the surface, I have my teachers that I prefer to go to and learn from over others…but the most amazing development I have had, is my understanding that I am my own best teacher. Only we know ourselves completely, and only we have the power to choose what lessons we learn and what insights we take in. All lessons are taken in by choice…and that is why I choose to be my own best teacher. The teachers I find outside of myself are simply there because I subconsciously chose them (whether I like it, or not) to show me the pieces of myself that still need my awareness, understanding, love, and light. They are there as guides, lights, messengers, mirrors, friends, peers, and examples to live by. The best (and maybe scariest) part of this whole matter is, you could be someone else’s mirror…so, what is it that you would most like to reflect? 

If you haven't cried by the end of 2012...

If you haven't cried by then end of 2012, you must have been MIA...I'm not talking baby tears. I'm talking full on sob-mania. There is just something about this year in particular, that has been extremely heavy on the heart; not only for myself, but for at least 95% of the people I know. Whether we have faced death, breakups, unrequited love, physical illness, depression, or anxiety, we have all experienced something, or maybe some things that have made this year an extra difficult one. Collectively, we have all suffered or are currently suffering the pain of separateness...loneliness...no matter how many friends we make, or how much socializing we do, by the end of the day, we come home, take off our "I'm perfectly fine" mask, and everything settles back into reality. The dishes sit dirty in the sink, the laundry pile is mountain high on the bed, the bills sit passively on the table, the dog still needs to be walked and fed, dinner still needs to be made...but wait, I have no food, and the store is closing soon.... and so on...the list never ends, it seems, and the cycle repeats itself day after day...this is the life of the average adult...or pretty close to it. This is where I am grateful for my daily practice...yoga, meditation, breathing, writing, reading...these activities seem to make my life a lot more mindful, as well as meaningful, and I find that when I perform these activities regularly, I'm a much happier and well centered human being. But what happens when we are knocked off course? What happens when we receive bad news, or are criticized, or are faced with a serious problem of some kind? What is it that we do? Some people say "just be calm, and it will get better" I used to say that...I used to live by that principle...but there are others who say, "Let yourself have your mood, damnit!" and I am starting to live by this. Emotions are felt, because they need to be felt. Emotions are there, not to be ignored or numbed, but to be processed and understood. They are God given blessings, no matter how much they hurt, or for how long they hurt. If they are just placed on the back burner to be forgotten about and untended to, then the pile will quickly add up, and it won't take much in order to reach a breaking point. I say, feel the little agitations, the little bouts of sadness, the little bouts of anger and heartache. Allow tears to flow when they start to swell your eyelids...don't force them back...it isn't healthy. The breaking point is an unhealthy place to come to...bad thoughts accompany this level of unkempt emotional baggage. Allow all emotions to process before coming to this point. Allow yourself to understand and accept why it is that you are feeling so.

Today was Christmas. It's a holiday of great joy and gathering. It was the darkest day of the year, and what is supposed to be the most joyous and celebrated day, landed on the darkest and most emotional day for many. There was Christmas yoga today at Yoga Oasis studio, which I am extremely grateful for. I have been on the edge of tears for the past few days, because of some news that I recieved, as well as other emotions that were due for processing. It was a 1hr 15min class, and I cried the whole time. Even in Savasana. The best part is, I didn't try to stop it. I just let it flow, just like I was letting my body flow. The heart openers really got me rolling, thank God for that...in all honesty, and the tear flow and heart sobbing continued a good few hours after. After class, I found support and love from some of my dearest peers. We talked about how if only everyone were more real, the world would be such a better place. We ask each other all the time, "How are you?" and the response, "I'm good, and you?" and the response, "I'm good, thanks." And about 90% of the time, it's complete b.s. We need to stop with the b.s. and get real in order to heal humanity. We're all in the same boat. We all go through pain and heartache. We all experience love and death. We all know! We all understand! We just need to let go and let love in. Why is it that we are so afraid to trust each other? If we all had faith and trusted in one another, imagine what would become of this world. I'm not saying go forth and tell everyone all of your problems. What I am saying is that when you are hurting, when you are in pain, don't just let yourself be there alone. Chances are, there's someone in your life willing to listen and be there. And if someone comes to you, hurting...remember that you would want the same support if you are in pain. Life is reciprocal. We get back what we give. It's the law of nature. That's just the way it is. So I leave this here...as I just needed to process my own thoughts and insights after a very emotional and dark day. Thankfully, I had friends who reminded me of the light within. Namaste.